The Truth Hurts
by lumoscrimsom
Summary: Sirius lies to girls to make the break ups smoother and Remus doesn't like it. Why would Remus want him to tell the truth and hurt their feelings instead of letting them down gently? And why does Sirius have to get beat up by whiny girls in the process?


**Disclaimer:** It isn't mine – the story is actually taken from another account of mine elsewhere on the interwebs, so don't sue! I just slashified it a tad and stuck it up here. Don't worry my little peacocks, I shall take it down from the other domain in which it dwells. Soon… Oh yeah, everything else is good ol' JKR's.

**A/N:** Hello my darlings! If any of you are still bothering with me, I'm grateful 3 I know I've been neglecting my stories, but I've been ill (again, I know) and ended up having an operation like the old-woman-in-an-eighteen-year-old's-body phenomenon I am. I've been in some pain and hobbling around on crutches isn't fun for someone with next to no strength at the moment. Plus, I found out that I'll have to have my other hip done soon, so I've been pretty down lately. So yeah, I've come crawling back for some attention – please enjoy and review!

**The Truth Hurts**

"Sorry, darling, but I'm…"

The girl, whatshername, blinked up at Sirius with large, watery brown doe-like eyes. Sirius wanted to inch back, but stopped himself from doing so – edging away from the girl like she was some sort of disease would definitely _not_ help his cause here. Oh, the noble cause of not-getting-slapped.

"What? What's wrong, honey?" the girl asked desperately, her fingers tightening around the fistfuls of Sirius' shirt. He would never get those wrinkles out; did she really need to crumple his clothes every five minutes? Honestly, it wasn't like he didn't _always_ remind her that he preferred to look thoroughly shagged only when he had actually been thoroughly shagged. The 'thoroughly shagged' thing wasn't exactly what he was going for when he was attempting the ditch the bird.

"I'm afraid this can't go on," he sighed in a distraught manner, diverting his eyes to stare up at the starry sky. Her clutches on his shirt grew stronger, but he wasn't finished. _Soon_, he thought determinedly, _soon, my shirts will be crumple-free_.

"But Sirius, why?" she whined in that irritating, high-pitched voice of hers, "We've been good together! I thought you—"

"I'm scared of hurting you, darling," Sirius said quietly, interrupting her before she could finish her sham of a sentence. Never, not _once_, had Sirius told – Harriet! Her name was bloody Harriet! – that he loved her.

"Hurting me?" she sniffed, trying to nuzzle closer to him as he tried to step away, "How, Siri?"

Sirius fought back a shudder at the putrid nickname she had decided to collar him with the other day and went on, "I'm scared that I'll mess this up, Harriet, what we have together."

"You won't! I'm sure—"

"I'm bad for you, Harriet," Sirius murmured, finally extracting his shirt from her clinging hands and stepped away, back towards the castle. It was getting late – he didn't want to miss the raid of the kitchens with the others just because one girl couldn't get the bloody hint, "I'm afraid I might corrupt you – change the beautiful person you are. I'm ending it, Harriet, to save _you_."

"But—"

"It's for the best."

"Siri—"

"I only want to have good memories of you," Sirius said with a small smile as he stepped forwards again. He smirked inwardly as her eyes brightened and she nodded resolutely, trying to please him by agreeing, "So – Harriet, darling – one last kiss before we part?"

"Yes…" Harriet gasped, leaping at him.

* * *

The common room was nearly empty by the time Sirius arrived back. Three sixth year boys took up the two armchairs and one sofa by the fire, lounging and chatting aimlessly. Sirius grinned and approached, holding a finger to his lips when James looked up from one of the squashy chairs and spotted him. James winked and went back to watching Peter try to catch his snitch, his chubby fingers grabbing at the air where the small object had been moments before.

With an exaggerated, cartoon-like walk, Sirius crept across the common room to hover at the back of the sofa. He crouched down slowly and then pounced, clasping his hands over Remus' eyes and pulling the back of the boy's head back against his chest. Remus yelped in surprise and flailed his arms as he fell against the back of the sofa, his legs flying up as he toppled backwards.

"Guess whoooo?" Sirius trilled in a high-pitched, squeaky voice.

"Sirius, I'm not sure how thick you think I am, if you believe that you could trick me with this game over and over," Remus replied drily once he had stopped with all the imbalanced flapping of his limbs. Sirius wouldn't allow him to so easily compose himself and let his hands trail from Remus' face to his chest, slowly caressing down the flat planes.

"Not Sirius," he breathed in Remus' ear, still using his bad impression of a girl, "It's Lily, you silly thing, your Library Lover."

"Sirius!" Remus chastised, just as Sirius released Remus to duck, avoiding a heavy tome of the lycanthrope's that came sailing towards his head. Something to do with potions to prevent snoring, Sirius noted with an eye roll before straightening up to smirk at James.

"Missed," he taunted the red-faced chaser, who leant forward as though to select another of Remus' textbooks. The werewolf in question raised his arms quickly to stop them.

"Calm down, both of you," Remus demanded, most likely I defence of his beloved books, "James, you know Sirius was just joking. Don't act like a prat. Sirius, that goes for you, too."

James stuck his tongue out at Sirius childishly, who happily returned the gesture. Sirius hopped over the back of the sofa and bounced to a stop on the cushions beside Remus, who lifted an eyebrow at him in shrewd questioning. Sirius instantly felt as though he had done something wrong, though he wasn't sure what it was. Remus had always had that effect on him – it was like the boy was his mother. Or worse (if possible), his wife.

"All jokes aside about you attempting to act like a girl and seduce me," Remus said drily in his infamous you're-about-to-be-in-deep-shit-son tone that meant somebody was about to be in trouble, "You certainly _smell_ like a girl. You reek of cheap perfume, Padfoot."

Sirius, deciding that he wasn't in too much trouble as Remus had used his nickname, grinned and shrugged as he threw a wink at James, "I may have had a little fun earlier."

"Told you there'd be a good reason for him missing the raid, Worm," James said wisely, nudging Peter, who accidentally released the snitch he had finally caught. The round boy stared up at the golden sphere dejectedly and sighed heavily. James ignored him and leaned forwards eagerly, lifting his eyebrows at Sirius.

"Who'd you shag, Padfoot? Spill."

"Weren't you supposed to break it off with Harriet?" Remus asked suspiciously, "You didn't ditch her to bonk some bimbo in a broom cupboard, did you?"

"Moony, you wound me!" Sirius cried, clutching at his heart, "How could such a dear friend think such horrid things of me! I am nothing but kind, man – nothing but courteous to the fairer sex and I do believe that you owe me—"

"Sirius," Remus sighed, giving Sirius _that look_ that made him shut his mouth involuntarily. Sirius wasn't sure how the other boy did it, but when Remus tilted his head and _looked_ at Sirius, letting his golden brown hair fall across his eyes, Sirius' words simply stopped falling from his mouth.

"I may have accidentally shagged Harriet."

James and Peter burst out laughing at this – which Sirius didn't actually find all that amusing – and even Remus covered his mouth to stop from joining in, trying to keep up his disapproving mask.

"How exactly was that accident, Padfoot?" James asked once he had recovered, "Did you slip on some ice outside and your dick just _happened_ to—"

"How are you going to break up with her now?" Remus spoke over James, as Sirius shrugged and told James that it could happen to anyone, prompting Peter to look down at his crotch in wonder. Sirius hoped he hadn't just given the boy the idea to try falling over around girls just to get some – then again, he hoped he had.

"I already have," Sirius sighed in exasperation, "Give me some credit Moony. If I have a job that needs doing, I do it."

They laughed over that absurd notion for a moment, before Remus realised what Sirius had said and snapped that disapproving stare on him again, "Do you mean to say that you shagged Harriet and then dumped her?"

"Er…" Sirius shifted, uncomfortable under the werewolf's disappointed gaze, "Actually, it was the other way around."

Remus rubbed a tired hand across his eyes as James sniggered and congratulated Sirius on his style. Peter continued to swipe hopelessly for the elusive snitch.

"Pads, you can't keep doing that," Remus sighed, avoiding Sirius' eyes now as he looked into the crackling fire beside them. Sirius frowned, glancing at James, who shrugged at their friend's sudden change in behaviour.

"Doing what, Moonshine?" Sirius asked, keeping his tone light.

"Playing these girls like it doesn't matter that they have feelings," Remus said evenly, meeting Sirius eyes again, "It's not nice."

"And why not?" Sirius asked coolly, not appreciating Remus' judgement. He had just lost a perfectly shaggable – if slightly whiney – girlfriend, so shouldn't Remus be comforting him instead of berating him as per usual? Never mind the fact that he had dumped _her_ – it was the principle of the thing.

"Because you're lying to them and I know that you don't appreciate being lied to, so why is it okay for you to lie?" Remus asked squarely, staring Sirius in the eye unnervingly (not that Sirius would ever tell Remus that it was unnerving – that would mean the werewolf had won), "I know the script, Sirius. 'I'm scared of hurting you, I'm dangerous, how about one last kiss?'" Remus mimicked in an uncanny impression of Sirius.

"Lying! I'm not sure what you mean, Moony," Sirius smiled, attempting to alleviate the suddenly thick tension in the room.

"Drop the innocent act, Sirius, it's never suited you," Remus snapped.

"What's wrong with letting them down gently?" Sirius asked in exasperation, giving in and throwing his hands up, "Would you rather I made them cry? Would you rather I be cruel?"

"It's not how you do it, it's why," Remus frowned, "Although sleeping with them afterwards doesn't help."

"Not sure I follow."

"I said drop the act," Remus repeated, getting to his feet. Sirius watched him walk around the sofa to retrieve his potions book. He stopped in front of Sirius with it cradled in his arms and sighed heavily, "It doesn't matter."

"Don't get your robes in a knot about it," Sirius half-joked, watching the other boy pile his other texts into a precarious pile in the crook of one arm, "What do you mean?"

Remus glanced at him and rubbed his eyes with his free hand, somehow managing to balance six or seven books unaided on one arm in that Moony way of his, "You use these girls for a week and then lie to them to get out of committing, all for a few shags."

"So?" Sirius asked, feeling as though he was missing something important, "It works."

"If girls knew how you really think, they wouldn't touch you with a barge pole," Remus warned him. Sirius' eyebrows scrunched together and the werewolf sighed again, "Muggle expression."

With that, the boy turned his back on them and headed up the staircase to the dormitory. Sirius looked at James and Peter, feeling a little shaken at Remus' sudden anger towards him. Him and Moony were usually amiable at worst towards each other – ever since the Snape incident, they had valued their friendship too much to get into silly spats with one another. At least, that was how Sirius felt. Obviously, Remus had something against him that he wasn't voicing. Either that, or the lycanthrope really did disapprove of his treatment of his girls.

"No idea, mate," James said softly, seeing Sirius' desperate expression and being gentle about it. Peter merely stared after Remus, surprise in his eyes.

* * *

Sirius glanced up in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. Yep. Still there. With a flourish that Sirius was quite proud of, he finished brushing, checked his hair in the mirror and went back out into the dormitory, where the others were finishing getting ready for the weekend. It was a crisp February, Saturday morning and they had all planned to visit Hagrid before setting off into Hogsmead later on.

Stopped to lean against the doorframe of the bathroom door, Sirius found his eyes travelling automatically to Remus for the hundredth time that week. The boy had calmed down by the morning after their spat about Sirius' methods of breaking up with his girlfriends and a week later, Sirius found himself fretting over what it might have been that had gotten Remus so upset. Moony, as was in his nature, refused to tell him and insisted that all was sunshiny and flowery and okay, so Sirius dropped it – outwardly. Inwardly, he found that he couldn't have the werewolf angry at him for some unknown reason he couldn't even attempt to fix, so he had started to watch him.

A week of watching Remus had helped Sirius to learn a lot of new things about his friend, just not the useful stuff he had hoped to glean. Mostly, he had realised that he liked the way the winter sun caught Remus' golden hair, how Remus' amber eyes flashed when he was irritated and glowed when he was excited, that Remus had filled out quite a bit and that somehow Sirius had managed to not notice.

Remus had always been the smallest out of the Marauders until, due to the toll the wolf took on his body every month, but he seemed stronger now – his body more sinewy and firm, not like he was going to snap into two when the wind blew. He'd grown taller, too, and was the same height as Sirius. That wasn't a surprise, though. Remus had always been lanky; tall compared to his weight, and even that had risen to something considerably healthier.

Sirius knew that Remus had probably looked like this for a while – he wasn't stupid and fully realised that people didn't have a growth spurts overnight – but this was the first time he had noticed. Seeing his friends every day numbed his ability to notice the gradual physical changes that were coming over them as they morphed into adult versions of themselves, but as Sirius glanced around the room at his other two friends, he saw nothing that moved him in a way that Remus did. Perhaps it was his sentimentality for the scrawny, wolf-abused Remus that made him feel such a thing.

James cleared his throat, prompting Sirius to tear his eyes away from Remus rummaging around for a shirt in his trunk. James blinked questioningly and darted his gaze to Remus before looking back at Sirius again. Sirius, knowing that his best friend was asking why he was staring at a half-naked Moony, shrugged mysteriously and grinned.

_Back to the important topic at hand, _Sirius thought, picking up a dirty sock and throwing it at Remus to get his attention. Remus looked up at Sirius, annoyance written all over his face as he peeled the sock from his back and dropped it gingerly on the floor – James' socks were not things to be messed with. The smell could take out a small first year.

"Care to explain why you're throwing hosiery at me, Padfoot?" Remus asked placidly as he pulled a blue shirt on. Sirius found himself watching Remus' long fingers as they deftly slotted the buttons through the holes.

"Care to explain why your quill is following me?" Sirius shot back, jabbing his thumb in the direction of the large, green and blue feather that was currently hovering behind his head. James snorted, as though he had only just spotted the thing – slow git – and Peter…well, Peter wouldn't have noticed the quill at all unless it was made out of potatoes and swede.

"Ah, that," Remus nodded, the corner of his mouth twitching, "I'm conducting an experiment."

Sirius nodded importantly, "I'm the subject of your experiment then. Er, why is that?"

"I though you would come up with the most amusing results," Remus answered easily.

"Oh, how nice of you, _friend_," Sirius said drily, "What happened to friends don't prank friends? Never mind – do I get paid for doing this?"

"No, Padfoot."

"Then I don't want to take part," Sirius huffed haughtily, folding his arms across his bare chest, "I don't offer my services for free! What do you take me for, a house elf?"

"You don't have a choice, Pads," Remus informed him smugly, running a hand through his hair to make it fall into place (whilst James wrestled a comb through his bird's nest that he liked to call hair, probably losing it in the process), "It's charmed to follow you until I get results."

Sirius passed. This was all starting to sound a little worrying, "What's it gonna do? It's not gonna poke me, is it? You know I bruise like a peach, Moons."

Remus gave him a long look that made Sirius uncomfortably aware that James and Peter were still watching their exchange. The sudden heat behind Remus' eyes seemed like it should be for Sirius only, as if Remus was trying to communicate something to him. But then it was gone as the werewolf laughed, breaking the spell.

"It won't, er, _poke_ you."

"Well. That's good, then."

"Yes, good."

* * *

"I'm sorry darling, but I don't think I can do this to you for much longer," Sirius was saying to Kerry – a girl with whom he had gone to Hogsmead the previous day – in the empty Entrance Hall whilst everyone else was in the Great Hall for dinner. He'd managed to bed her the same night, so it was time to let the girl back into the wild. It was really, much kinder this way.

"Do what to me, Siri?" Kerry asked with a frown. Sirius held back a grimace at the nickname – why must every girl insist on that stupid name? _Think about it later_, he told himself. Kerry was a smart girl; he could end up with a mouthful of her fist if he didn't play it carefully this time.

"I think I like you more than you like me," he said sorrowfully, putting his best acting skills to use as he took an unsure step forwards and then back again, looking down at the floor as he feigned nervousness, "And I don't want you to have to carry that burden, so I…"

Kerry had started to tap her foots against the stone flags, glaring at something behind Sirius. Trailing off, Sirius turned to find that the quill – which he had eventually assumed to be a harmless gag (typical Moony), as it hadn't done anything all day yesterday or that night with Kerry. Now, however, it was certainly working.

In bright purple, old fashioned calligraphy that he recognised to be Remus' handwriting, the quill was writing the words, '_Your voice is more annoying that Peeve when he sings_.'

Sirius' first instinct was to admire the spellmanship of the prank – Remus had somehow linked the quill to his true thoughts when he was breaking up with his latest girlfriend, which couldn't have been easy to do, especially without Sirius noticing. His second instinct was to pretend that it wasn't happening and hope that Kerry would follow his lead.

"And…er…"

But that plan was quickly scuppered when the quill kept writing, _'I don't date girls with fat ankles._'

"Black," Kerry said, her voice no longer high and irritating, but low and quite terrifying, "What in Merlin's name is that quill—"

'_I know you're not a natural blonde_.'

Kerry made a sound similar to the sound a kettle makes when it's boiled, which was unpleasant. Sirius flinched, covering his ears as Kerry slapped him, shouting, "It's over, Black, you son of a banshee!"

Taking a minute before reacting, Sirius stood and stared after Kerry as she flounced up the stairs away from him, the slap mark burning on his cheek. He was never scorned by women. _Never_.

"MOONY!" Sirius roared as he stormed into the Great Hall, attracting the attention of every student and teacher in there. He marched down the Gryffindor table to where his friends were seated, annoyed that only James and Peter stared wide-eyed at him – Remus merely kept on eating his carrots, as though unaware that a Sirius was stampeding towards him.

"Yes, Padfoot?" Remus asked politely as Sirius threw himself onto the bench beside him.

"Don't act all innocent," Sirius hissed, "You think _I_ don't suit innocence? Innocence is _allergic _to_ you_!"

"What are you so upset about?" Remus asked in that calm voice of his that made Sirius all the more angry.

"YOU KNOW BLOOD WELL WHAT I'M SO BLOODY UPSET ABOUT!"

"Lower you voice, Sirius, people are staring."

"Fine, fine," Sirius mumbled, succumbing – as per usual – to Remus' calm demeanour, "You quill, Remus! This fucking _evil_ quill. It's _ruining my life, Moony_."

"Ah, so it worked," Remus said quietly to his plate as he scooped up the last of his mash potatoes, shoving it in his mouth and grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"I'm guessing _that_," James said, pointing his pie-filled fork at the glowing hand-shaped mark on Sirius' face, "Is because of Moony's brilliant quill work?"

"Brilliant my left testicle," Sirius grouched, touching his cheek gingerly, "Did you know that this _thing_ writes what I really think of the girl I'm trying to get rid of right next to me? _To her face?_ Isn't _this_ cruel, Remus? Telling these girls their own faults?"

"Calm down, Padfoot," was all Remus said, much to the annoyance of Sirius and the amusement of James, "It'll stop once you learn your lesson."

"_What lesson_?"

"Stop lying to girls."

* * *

"Leanne…I, er…don't think we should do this any longer."

The girl looked up at him sadly, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, "Siri, why?"

Sirius caught himself before he started to reel off his old excuses automatically and looked at her – really looked at her – before letting the real reasons roll off of his tongue, careful to keep them strictly true, lest the dreaded quill hovering beside his ear scribble out something that was, yes, true, but would also get him a good beating.

"You call me Siri, which I hate," he looked at her, cutting her off when she made to start whining, "You're a little too clingy for me. Your hair's not the right colour – I prefer blonde to red if I'm honest. Don't get me wrong, you're gorgeous, but you're not my type."

There. Sirius thought he had done quite well, even if he said so himself. So why was the girl still staring up at him with those big, teary eyes? Wasn't this supposed to make him feel better? Wasn't this supposed to make _her_ feel better? His old excuses came to the forefront of his mind again – it would have been so much easier if he could just use them and this would all be over and forgotten. It was all that stupid werewolf's fault.

"What's really wrong with me, Siri?" Leanne asked desperately.

"You're not…" Sirius tried, looking for the right words. _Dammit!_ he cursed_, why is this so bloody hard?_

He went to give the girl a half-arsed story about how he was too dangerous for her, but the quill twitched expectantly beside him, warning him that a few words could earn him a slap or some nasty rumours to be spread.

"REMUS!" he growled, his frustration reaching its peak. He took a deep breath, looking down to apologise for his outburst, but Leanne was backing away. She didn't look frightened by his shout of anger, though, or upset. No, she looked…happy. Sirius frowned, taking a step towards her. Leanna covered her mouth as she giggled.

"What?" Sirius asked, now growing annoyed with her as well.

"I'm not Remus?" she asked, another giggle escaped between her fingers, "You mean you…you _like_ Remus?"

"What?" Sirius repeated dumbly, watching her skip away happily, suddenly fine and dandy about being dumped by the sexy Sirius Black. He frowned – surely he would have noticed if he had said…oh. _You're not Remus_. Well, wasn't that just spiffing? Now the whole castle would be convinced that he had a thing for his friend by morning.

"Thanks, Moony," he muttered, glancing balefully at the quill that seemed to be quivering with excitement beside him. Maybe it was excited because it had accomplished the task of making sure he never got laid again.

When he made it up to the Tower, he only found James and Peter in the common room. With one questioning glance at James and an irately pointing finger at the quill, Sirius worked out that Remus was up in the dormitory. Hiding, if he had any idea what his damned experiment had done to Sirius' sex life.

"Moony, you little—"

Sirius' long line of carefully planned insults came to a grinding halt when a filled-out, but lanky boy with golden hair that looked nice in the winter sunlight and amber eyes that glittered as they neared came hurtling towards him and a pair of insistent lips pressed against his own.

There was only shock for a long, potentially awkward moment, but then Sirius' body seemed to realise what an idiot its brain was being and wrapped its arms around Remus, its lips responding to the enthusiastic kiss. He barely registered the sound of the damned quill falling to the floor beside them. And then Sirius' brain caught up and he laughed against the werewolf's mouth, that fateful sentence repeating itself over and over in his head: _'You're not Remus._'

"You devious little—" Sirius grinned when they pulled apart.

"I sincerely hope there are compliments at the end of these sentences," Remus laughed, leaning in to kiss Sirius again briefly. Sirius leaned in for more, the sudden realisation of all things Remus pleasantly overwhelming, but the lycanthrope pulled back.

"You're not mad?" Remus asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Not anymore," Sirius said drily, "Am I right in guessing that the quill was to turn the entire female population against me?"

"And the male population, if you'd started getting any ideas," Remus nodded, looking rather proud of himself. It was all quite touching in a Marauderish type way and Sirius was starting to feel quite emotional about the depths to which the normally stoic Remus would go to, to eventually bag him for himself.

"You vindictive bastard," Sirius grinned, leaning forwards to successfully capture Remus' lips in a newly possessive kiss. Oh, the mayhem they could reap together now that Remus had revealed the extent of his mischief-making talents. Yes, Sirius could see a bright and badly behaved future ahead of them.

**A/N2:** No clue what you think of that. Review and tell me :P And yes, don't worry peeps, I plan to keep on with the other stories I've left soon enough. In the meantime, review! Oh, and follow me on tumblr! I've only joined, since I'm totally in the stone ages when it comes to the secrets of the internets (read – 'things everyone in the world but me knows about'). I'm 'lumoscrimsom' on there, too, and my page/blog/thingymibob is called, 'A Box Full of Stuffs' The thing is pretty desolate à la moment, but if I start getting followers, I might get the confidence to do something -.-


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